


when you need a friend

by eddie_writes



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Amnesia, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Deadlights (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Memory Loss, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier-centric, Stanley Uris Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22199878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eddie_writes/pseuds/eddie_writes
Summary: This also sounds like a perfectly logical plan, although it makes very little sense to me. "What are we killing?" I say, finally, in a small, uncertain voice."Spider Pennywise. You might not have gotten a good look at it before the Deadlights got you."Nothing in that explanation makes any sense to me."Deadlights?" I ask, almost a whisper. I feel like I should know this. Everyone's looking at me like I should know this.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris, The Losers Club & Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What if the Deadlights left Richie with amnesia?
> 
> The title of this will probably be changed but it is currently a line from 'The Promise' by When In Rome

All I remember is floating. There's static all around me and my body feels weightless. My eyes are open but all I see is an endless white. A flash of images, almost-memories, flicker through my brain: someone dying, bleeding, lots of blood, leaving him there, tears. It's white again, an endless white that encompasses everything. 

Then I'm falling, and noise crashes into my eardrums, the loud screech of something otherworldly and the shouting of a more familiar variety. I don't recognize the voices

My body crashes against something hard with rough edges, and when I blink, there's a man hovering over me. 

He's cute, from what I can make out in the dim lighting of wherever we are, but he's a stranger and our position is a bit disconcerting. 

"I think I got it, man," he's saying loudly, smile stretched wide across his face. "I think I killed it!"

What did he kill? 

I sat up fast enough that my head spun and the force of the movement was enough to knock the guy off of me. A split second later, a claw swipes through the air where he was crouching, drawing back when it doesn't make contact. 

I gape at it. A claw that big was a definite threat. That guy could have died. I could have died. 

From the ground beside me, the guy says, "Holy shit, you just saved my life." He stands up, wobbles for a moment, then reaches down to take my hand. I let him help me up and he smiles. "You okay? That was a bad fall."

My voice doesn't want to work so I shrug gently. A muscle in my back pulls as I do and I put a hand there, pressing into it. Where did I fall from? What did I land on?

I look down to see rock and dirt, like the bottom of a cave. Were we explorers? 

"I'll take a look at that later," he says. "C'mon, we've gotta move!" Not letting go of my hand, he pulls me towards an enclosure in the rock. It's a tunnel of sorts, but he doesn't seem to know where it leads. 

He drops my hand, leaning heavily against a wall. "Oh fuck, I almost died. You almost died! Are you sure you're okay? You're awfully quiet."

I cough, hoping it'll clear my throat enough to ask all my questions. "Throat hurts," I manage to croak out. This leads to another coughing fit, and then the guy is holding out a mini bottle of water. 

"Here, have some of this." His eyebrows are drawn close in concern. I think I can trust this guy. 

I accept it thankfully and let the cool water soothe my throat, even if it's only temporary. He takes the bottle back after, shoving it into a fanny pack that I hadn't noticed earlier. 

"Thanks," I say. A loud cry from the other side of the rock wall makes me jump. I move closer to the guy, drawing comfort from the heat of his arm against mine. This guy feels safe. Whatever made that noise does not. 

"We have to find the others," the guys says, giving me an obvious once over. He takes my hand in his again and squeezes, not letting go.

I follow him out of the tunnel, finally getting a look at the room. It's not really a room at all, more of a dark cavern. An awful stench permeates the air. Huge rocks jut up from the ground in the middle, shaped like a distorted circle of sorts. Everything is bathed in a pale blue light, the source unknown to me. 

"Oh, there's Mike," the guy says quietly, pulling me from my reverie. I follow his gaze to a dark-skinned man with wide, terrified eyes. There's a gash on his arm that's bleeding profusely as he runs. The guy beside me waves him over with his free hand. 

I smile at him as he joins us. "Shit, you're bleeding," says the guy. "I don't have any gauze on me. We'll have to go to the hospital after this, you're gonna need stitches."

Mike nods, looking down at the gash. "Pennywise got me with one of his claws. We have to regroup with the others. We have a better chance if we're all together."

Pennywise?

Some small part of me agrees, but I'm not sure to what. I don't know who the others are, or what we have a better chance against, but this seems like a logical plan. 

"I think Bev and Ben were together, and Bill went down one of the tunnels. Have you seen Stan?" The guy says. He talks a lot and I kinda like it. I think I could listen to his sweet voice for hours. 

"Yeah, he was hiding behind an outcrop earlier. I'll get him and Bill, if you get Bev and Ben," Mike says, and the guy agrees. Then Mike turns to me. "Are you okay? That fall must have hurt."

I blink at him, thinking. He must have seen me fall too. "Yeah," is all I say. 

The guy squeezes my hand gently. The weight of his in mine is enough to keep me grounded, stop me from wondering what's going on. "He saved me life," he says. "I think he's a little dazed, might be in shock from everything."

Mike nods sympathetically and gives me a smile. He doesn't say anything more before taking off the way he came. 

There's a loud roar from behind us that makes me startle. "Come out, come out, little Losers! I want to play!" A sickeningly gleeful voice calls. 

"What-?" I start, before the guy's pressing his free hand to my mouth. There's dirt on his palm but that's the least of my concerns at the moment. 

His eyes are wide, a beautiful brown framed by long eyelashes. "Shh," he whispers, then glances beside him. Nothing's there. 

He takes off running, pulling me along behind him, and he only slows down slightly when he sees two more people, huddled together behind a large rock. "Ben! Bev! Come on!" He yells at them, and they both look up in relief, standing and running with us. 

The four of us end up in another tunnel, much like the one I was in earlier. While everyone is talking loudly, I get a good look at the two newcomers. 

The guy, Ben, is tall with sandy brown hair and a well-trimmed beard. He's handsome and looks kind, with kind blue eyes and a gentle smile. His clothes are caked with dirt and some is smeared across his hair, but he seems unbothered by it. He's holding the girl's hand, much like mine is being held. 

I wonder if they're together. I wonder if this guy and I are together. 

Bev, the girl, has stunning red hair in short waves. She holds herself with confidence and speaks like she's sure of what she's saying. There's an obvious fire lit in her soul that I like. It seems that Ben would balance her out perfectly. She's drenched in something red that looks suspiciously like blood but nobody asks. 

She catches me looking and smiles, but it looks strained. "You look tired," she says to me. I nod and stay quiet. I am, I think. I'm confused too, but I don't say that either. 

Beside me, the guy pipes up again. "I think I know how to kill it. I almost did it before, at the pharmacy, when it was the leper. I had my hands around its neck and I almost got it. We have to make it feel small, then crush its heart."

This also sounds like a perfectly logical plan, although it makes very little sense to me. "What are we killing?" I say, finally, in a small, uncertain voice. 

Three identical looks of confusion answer me. The guy beside me looks mildly panicked and definitely worried, eyebrows scrunched up, lips downturned. I feel bad for worrying him. 

It's Ben that eventually answers. "Spider Pennywise. You might not have gotten a good look at it before the Deadlights got you."

Nothing in that explanation makes any sense to me. 

"Deadlights?" I ask, almost a whisper. I feel like I should know this. Everyone's looking at me like I should know this. 

The guy's frown deepens so I squeeze his hand in a way I hope is reassuring. I'm not sure that it is. 

Bev sighs. "I'll explain it later. For now, we have to focus on killing it and getting out of here."

Ben nods and the guy gives me a weak smile. He still looks worried. 

"I think you're right, Eddie," Ben says, looking at the guy holding my hand. Finally I know his name. Eddie. It suits him. "If we make it feel small, we'll have the power in the situation."

Eddie nods, still studying my face with a curiosity that barely conceals his concern. "Mike said he would get Bill and Stan. It has to be all of us, together, or it won't work."

"How do we make it feel small?" Bev asks. Beside her, Ben is poking his head through the entry to the tunnel, presumably looking for the other three guys. 

Eddie grins, finally meeting her gaze. "I think it's like when we were kids. Bowers and his gang had the power over us because their words and actions made us feel small. If calling us name was enough to make us feel small, maybe we can try that on Pennywise."

Suddenly three more guys run into the tunnel, panting heavily. One guy with curly brown hair is leaning heavily on the other unknown guy. Mike stands beside them, holding his arm. 

Bev and Eddie reiterate the plan to the newcomers but I'm no longer listening. I can't stop looking at the curly haired guy and thinking, maybe I know you. Or maybe I did, at some point. 

"Rich, are you ready?" someone says. It's a new voice so one of the new guys, probably, and it's directed at me. 

Rich?

"Uh, sure," I say, squeezing Eddie's hand again and drawing a slight comfort from it. He squeezes back. 

"It'll be okay," Eddie smiles, reassuring. "I'll be with you the whole time." That makes me feel a little better about the situation. As long as Eddie's there, things might be alright.

I nod, and then I'm following all six of them back into the cavern. In the middle is a massive creature. The top part is definitively clown - wild red hair, white face and red nose. There's a mean look in its yellow eyes that I don't want to know the meaning of. The lower half is a spider. A huge, giant spider with claws sharp enough to spear someone through the middle with ease. 

It laughs when it sees us and I gasp, nearly stopping in my tracks. Eddie whispers, "It's okay, Rich. It's okay," but he sounds a little shaky now. 

"Well, well," the creature says. I figure this is Spider Pennywise, as Ben said earlier. "Look at this! A little family reunion, a nice meal being delivered right to me! Have you come out to play?"

It leers at us but everyone holds their ground. I try to focus on a spot just behind its head but my eyes are drawn to its mouth, where I can see rows of pointed teeth poking out. Something about the way it looks at us makes me shiver. 

Then it's eyes focus on me. "One of you has a dirty little secret," it crows, teeth on display. "How I would love to share it with you all, but there would be no fun in that! No, no, no fun at all." It seems closer now, staring at me with fire in its eyes. "But, he can't remember now anyway! Dirty Richie doesn't remember. Good thing I do." My skin crawls at its voice, the childish lilt of it. The malice behind it.

"Don't listen to it, Rich," Bev whispers on my other side. Eddie stands closer to me, clearly protective. "It's just a sloppy bitch, right."

The words make no sense to me. Dirty Richie. Sloppy bitch. Dirty little secret. 

At least now I know my name. Kind of. 

Beside me, Eddie starts yelling. "You're nothing but a stupid clown! A coward. You think we're weak but you're the weakest one of all!"

Spider Pennywise looks taken aback, but a grotesque smile spread across its painted red lips. It's a façade, I can see now. It's scared of us. 

"You're a weak old lady!" Bev calls on my other side. "Frail, fragile! Nothing but a bag of bones!"

In front of me, Mike yells, "A lamb with a bullet to its head!"

One of the other guys says, "You're a scared little kid!"

At this, the creature's visage shifts and shudders, and it growls. "I'm the eater of worlds!"

"You're a fucking stupid clown!" Ben shouts. 

"An painting of a twisted lady!" The man beside him screams. 

Eddie's looking at me expectantly so I yell, "Sloppy bitch!" because it feels right. Eddie laughs softly. 

Everyone keeps yelling until the monster has shrunken down to the size of an infant. We all crowd around it, the seven of us, as Mike reaches into its chest and pulls out it's beating heart. It's a black thing, completely disgusting, but everyone reaches in to grab it anyway. 

Eddie's hand is still in mine, the other squeezing the heart. My free hand squeezes it too until it bursts, then disintegrates entirely. Gone without a trace. 

The corpse disintegrates too, and then the whole cavern begins to crumble. 

"Quickly, we have to go!" Someone yells, and then we're all running toward a tunnel. I let Eddie pull me along, Ben hot on my heels, as we wade through a sewer and climb up a well. They seem to all know where they're going but this all is new to me. 

We end up in an old crumbling house. I'm pulled down a hallway and then we're outside. The sun is shining brightly as we stand on the front yard of the property, 7 disgustingly dirty adults. All of them are strangers to me, even myself. 

"Is everyone okay?" Mike asks, clearly doing a head count of us. There's 7. It feels lucky, somehow. 

"I think so. Your arm might need stitches, Mike, and I think Richie hurt his back when he fell," Eddie says. 

"My knee got caught on a rock when I was running," says a short guy with a streak of gray in his hair. It's one of the guy's whose name I don't know, and I didn't get a chance to study him before now. 

"We'll go to the hospital after we wash up," Bev says. She's smiling, standing close to Ben, his arm around her waist. "Let's go to the Quarry."

I feel hopeless but to follow along as we walk. These people seem to know me, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe. Eddie keeps holding my hand, now chatting to Ben about a topic I'm not listening to. 

The curly haired guy walks on my other side and he smiles at me. "That was fun, right?" He says. 

I shake my head. Nothing about that was fun. I don't even know what that was. 

He laughs quietly. "I know, but at least it's over." When I don't reply, he gives me a confused look. "Why are you being so quiet? This is the least I've ever heard you talk. It's weird."

I can tell Eddie is listening now, even in the middle of his conversation. I don't really know what to say. 

"Uh, yeah, I don't know," is what I mumble eventually. "What was that?"

The guy shrugs. "My worst nightmare," he replies and I can't tell if it's a joke or not. 

We're both silent for a while before the guy speaks up again. "You know, I almost didn't come back. I was so scared. I thought about taking myself out of the picture, but then I thought about seeing you guys again and I knew I had to come."

This doesn't mean much to me, but it clearly means something to the others. Bev, who was walking in front of us, slows down and says, "Aw, Stan." It sounds teasing, almost, but I can tell she's being genuine about it. "I'm glad you came back too."

So the guy is Stan, I guess. At least that leaves only one guy unnamed, and I can assume that it's Bill. Mike was talking about Stan and Bill, so that makes the most sense. 

I've never been more confused about anything. 

"Where are we going?" I ask softly, bumping my arm against Eddie's. 

He smiles at me, eyes bright in a way that makes me hesrt skip a beat. "The Quarry. Weren't you listening earlier?"

I smile back because it feels right. "Yeah, but I don't know what that is."

His eyebrows crease - he must do that a lot - but he chuckles. "It's where we used to play as kids. Don't you remember?" 

When I don't answer right away, trying to remember this mystery quarry, he frowns. "Rich, do you remember?" It's more serious this time. 

I hesitate before shaking my head. 

Eddie hums softly. "You must have hit your head harder than I thought. It's probably just a temporary shock, but we'll ask the doctors about it soon."

I nod. That sounds okay. 

We stop at the top of a cliff where a sign says NO JUMPING in big letters. Ben laughs, pointing at it. "That's new," he says. "I doubt it's ever stopped anyone."

I'm starting to understand where this is going and I'm not sure if I like it. "Wait, are we jumping off?"

A few of them give me confused looks. Eddie seems worried. 

"Yeah, just like we used to," Bill, I think, says. 

I take a step back, closer to Eddie's side. I wish I was small enough to tuck myself right under his arm but I'm not. This will have to do. 

"I don't really want to," I say, quiet so that only Eddie can hear. 

"That's okay, we don't have to. I'll walk down with you," he replies softly. Louder, he says, "You guys jump. We'll meet you down there."

It's obvious that Eddie knows his way around the area. He leads me away from the group and the cliff, over to a natural rock formation that works as stairs. He starts to walk down, then stops, turning to me. 

"I'm worried about you," he says. "I think something's wrong."

I frown, mostly because I don't know what to say. Thankfully, he keeps talking. 

"You forgot about Pennywise, the Deadlights, and now the Quarry? What else don't you remember?" 

I hesitate to answer because I don't think he'll like what I have to say and I don't want him to keep looking so worried. I try to start with something easy. 

"The sewers? I don't remember how we got down there or why we did? Are we explorers or something?"

Eddie's frown deepens. "No. What else?"

"I don't remember where we are."

He looks contemplative. "You can say it, Rich. It's okay."

I sigh. Clearly he knows me well and he must be able to read all my tells. "I don't remember my name or yours, or any of those other people's. I don't remember how I know you, or how old I am, or what my life is like. I don't remember anything."

I feel like crying by the end of it, and Eddie's got tears welling in his eyes. He's making a good effort to ignore them. 

"Okay," he says slowly. "What do you remember then? There's gotta be something." 

That one's easy. "I remember floating. No noise, only empty white space where I was weightless."

He seems to understand that instantly and almost seems happy about it. "The Deadlights! Okay, so obviously whatever made you lose your memories happened in the Deadlights. That's a start." He must see my nerves because he smiles again. "We'll figure this out."

Then it's like my mouth moves without my permission, something that I think happened a lot before. "Are we together?"

Eddie pauses, glancing away. "It's complicated. We can talk about that later, okay? We need to figure this out first."

I don't know what that means, but the flush of his cheeks says that the answer is probably yes. I like the thought of that. 

When we rejoin the others, everyone is already soaked, looking much cleaner that before. Bev is grinning wide, splashing water and Ben and Bill. Stan is rubbing at his face, trying to clean it. Mike is watching them all happily, chatting away to Stan. 

I'm watching them and I can feel Eddie watching me. "I'm so sorry," I mumble, feeling tears creeping up on me. "I don't know why I can't remember."

I'm pulled into a warm hug while Eddie whispers reassuringly into my neck. I bury my face in his hair, still dirty from the cavern, and I'm suddenly thankful that he's alive. "You almost died," I sob, thinking of that claw. It scares me how easily I can picture it slicing through Eddie's torso, blood gushing out of his mouth and onto my face. If I hadn't moved, he would have died. 

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here. You saved me, okay?" I'm fully crying now, but I think he might be too. Eddie's holding me tightly, arms around my waist, his nose against the hollow of my neck. He leaves a gentle kiss on my collarbone. 

My arms around him feel heavy. "Eddie," I whimper. "Eddie, _Eddie_."

He seems surprised to hear his name, like it's unexpected coming from me. I must have called him something different. A nickname, or maybe a petname, if we were in fact together. 

From far away, Bev yells, "Richie!" and it sounds panicky in a way it shouldn't. My vision goes black, fading out and my legs give out. The last thing I remember is Eddie's arms around me. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I passed out? It would explain how I ended up in the hospital, I suppose. That means that these people definitely know me. I have a feeling that the boy knows me the best but I can't confirm that without asking. 
> 
> I feel bad, briefly, that I can't recall their names. 
> 
> "Oh," is what I end up saying. "Sorry."

I wake up in a white room. 

I remember floating, in a space this white with no sound and no feeling. I can't remember if it actually happened or if it was a dream. 

I'm on my back now, laying on something that feels soft but crinkles when I shift on it. My right hand feels heavy, like I'm holding a weight or like it's being held. I can't turn my head enough to see it. I close my eyes again, the brightness stinging. 

My whole body feels heavy, limbs like magnets to the crinkly softness I'm resting on. With a valiant effort, I manage to wiggle my fingers, hoping that the weight will disappear. I have a half formed thought that I'm dreaming but somehow I know otherwise. This is no dream. 

Perhaps my mind is just clinging to a dream, and perhaps that's why I suddenly feel very tired. 

I wiggle my fingers again, then squeeze them as tight to my palm as I can. It isn't my palm that I end up hitting. It's the smooth skin of another hand, one that's both foreign and familiar. 

A soft gasp breaks the room's silence. 

The voice is soft, light and wonderful. I feel drawn to it, unsure who it belongs to but eager to find out. 

"I think his hand moved!" The same voice says, still quiet. I'm not sure who he's speaking to or who he is. I'm not sure where I am. 

Suddenly the heaviness of my limbs lifts and I can feel every inch of my body. There's a twinge of pain in my knee, a line burning on my left palm. By my nose, something prickles, like tiny needles pressing against the skin but never breaching it. Instinctively, my hand flies up to gently rub it.

Another gasp sounds, a different voice this time. Higher pitched. More feminine. 

"He's waking up," she says, confirming my suspicions. "Should we call the nurse?"

Oh, I'm in a hospital. That's probably not a good sign. 

"Hm, not yet," says the other voice, the first voice. "Let's give him a few minutes to adjust."

They fall silent again and I want to beg them to fill the silence. The longer it stretches, the more I uncomfortable I feel. 

I let my hand slide up my face, resting over my eyes. Slowly, I open my them again, blinking under the shadowy shield of my hand to get used to the light. 

My mouth feels dry, throat scratching as I try to swallow. I blink a few more times, then a few more. 

This time when I try to turn my head, it moves easily and I meet the big brown eyes of a boy I don't recognize. He's beautiful, what I can see of him through the blur of my own eyes, but his face is close enough for me to make out honey golden flecks in his doe eyes and soft pink lips. I focus my eyes on a freckle near his nose. He's got a lot of freckles. I wonder if I've ever counted them. That is, assuming I know him.

"You're awake," he whispers, lips curving up in a gentle smile and skin crinkling around his eyes. There's a dimple dented into his cheek, the other one carved by a long pink line, puckered and jagged like it had been put there violently. 

I must know him. He seems to know me. 

I nod, not trusting my voice or even sure if I have one. He's still smiling, unshed tears sparkling in his eyes. I smile back, with some difficulty. It only falters once before it feels solid. 

It looks like he wants to say something. His eyes flit over my face, taking in whatever he sees there, tongue poking at his bottom lip. He doesn't end up saying anything, though, before the female voice is speaking again. 

"The nurse is on her way. Do you want your glasses?" 

It takes me a minute to realize she's speaking to me. I still can't see her but she sounds friendly, almost familiar in the same way the guy is. 

The blurriness of the room makes sense now, at the mention of glasses. I nod and the guy leans back before carefully sliding thick frames onto my face. I shudder slightly at the feeling. 

For a second I squeeze my eyes shut against the bright clarity. When I open them again, the guy is leaning back in his chair and I'm laying in a hospital bed. The weight I'd felt in my hand is his, holding mine with a sweet tender softness. He notices me staring and smiles again, eyes wide with happiness. 

I still haven't looked away when a woman enters the room. She must be the nurse, dressed in a pristine white outfit that blends into the room. I feel a strong distaste for it, but can't explain where it came from. 

I watch her as she smiles at the people in the room, eyes settling on me. "Hi there," she says to me. "How are you feeling?"

This time I make an effort to reply verbally, if only to hear my own voice. When it comes out, it's higher than I expected but still masculine enough for me to understand. "Okay." The hoarseness of my voice springs the guy into action, passing me a glass of half-full water from a table beside me. 

It feels true, when I say it. The light still hurts my eyes a bit and my body aches. With this guy at my side, it all fades to the background and I feel okay. 

She nods like it's a good answer. "I'll have to run a few more tests. You've been out for a while so I'll bring you something to eat, if you feel up to it."

"Okay," I say again, softer. It comes out a little more smooth. 

When she leaves, another woman enters my view, hovering beside the guy. Her short red hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail. She brushes her bangs to the side when she notices me looking. 

"Hey," she smiles. These people seem really happy to see me. It fills me with a sense of joy that overpowers the questions looping through my mind. "It's good to see you awake, hun."

The term is friendly enough. I get the feeling she doesn't mean anything more of it and I'm inexplicably pleased. I just smile back, unsure what to say. _It's good to be awake? It's good to see you too?_ None of it seems right.

"You kinda passed out on us," she continues. It's obvious that my silence made her uncomfortable. "We were really worried."

I think this over for long minute. I passed out? It would explain how I ended up in the hospital, I suppose. That means that these people definitely know me. I have a feeling that the boy knows me the best but I can't confirm that without asking. 

I feel bad, briefly, that I can't recall their names. 

"Oh," is what I end up saying. "Sorry."

The guy's smile falters for a split second. "Don't be sorry, Rich." He squeezes my hand slightly. I squeeze back.

Rich. That must be my name. I mouth the word and it feels right in my mouth. 

"How long-" I cough, cutting myself off. Talking still hurts, forcing the words out of my throat. "How long was I... out for?"

The two share a look. 

"Three days," the guy says quietly. "It was probably the worst three days of my life."

My heart twinges at that. He shouldn't have any bad days. 

"Sorry," I repeat. Then, "What happened?"

They share another look and his eyes narrow.

"You passed out at the Quarry," she says, and his lips tug down at the corners. He must not like thinking of it. 

"Oh," I say. 

I don't remember passing out, or being at a quarry. She says it like I should know the place but it sounds completely foreign to me. 

"Rich, do you remember what happened?" The guy says, softly, so soft. His doe eyes are fixed on mine, full of an emotion that I can't quite grasp. 

I hesitate to shake my head. They both seem disheartened when I do. 

"It's okay," the girl says, firm. I can't tell if she's trying to convince me or the guy or herself. Maybe all of us. "It'll come back."

The guy doesn't believe her, I can tell. It surprises me how well I can read him, even without knowing his name. It's something about the lines of his face, his expressive eyebrows and eyes that betray his every thought and feeling. 

The nurse returns a few minutes later carrying a tray. She places it on a table beside my bed, then helps me sit up. 

The new view of the room startles something deep inside me and I purposely focus on the weight of a hand in mine. It's just distracting enough that I don't notice the tray being placed on my lap until the door is swinging shut behind the nurse. 

My company chats as I eat. The bowl of applesauce is bland and the scrambled eggs are slightly overdone. I let the guy steal a yogurt tube off the tray and watch as he opens it with his teeth.

I'm struck by the thought that he wouldn't normally do that. He would never willingly touch something with so many germs or put it in his mouth without sanitizing it first. 

I don't know how I know this, but I do. 

This fact is confirmed a few seconds later when the girl says, "Do you want some hand sanitizer?"

He shrugs but holds his hand out for some anyway. He'd had to let go of my hand so I could eat and I miss having his in mine. 

I watch the two of them together, the ease with which they talk and interact, and feel something settle in my chest. This feels right. 

My plastic spoon doesn't make any clatter as I let it fall to the tray, the empty applesauce bowl beside it. "Can you tell me your names?" I ask, looking up, studying their faces. It feels weird asking, since I'm sure I should know the answer. 

The way the guy's face falls hurts to watch so I look away, focusing on the girl. A vein by her eye twitches, eyebrows drawn. 

"You don't remember us," says the guy, very quietly. He sounds resigned, almost like he already knew. 

"I'm Beverly," the girl says. Beverly. It doesn't ring any bells. 

When the guy doesn't say anything more for a long time, Beverly sighs. "That's Eddie."

Eddie. I say it out loud. "Eddie." It feels good in my mouth. It feels right. 

His eyes snap up to meet mine and I smile. My curiosity is peaked now. "And I'm Rich?" I ask. 

Eddie huffs a surprised laugh. "Yeah, you have a lot of money, asshole, we know."

Beverly laughs, and I chuckle softly, mostly at the nickname. It's not malicious, I can tell. It was soft when he said it, affection laced in his voice.

"No, I meant." I pause. How can I explain? "You called me Rich. Earlier."

Then it hits me that he said I have a lot of money. Did he mean that? And what did he mean by that? How did I end up with so much money?

I keep these questions to myself because Eddie looks sad now and I hate everything about it. He seems to shrink into himself, burying further into the sweater he wears. 

"Richie," he says, sounding pained. "You're Richie."

I nod, echoing the name. It sounds right. 

"Okay," I say, then, "I'm sorry I don't remember."

This seems to hurt them more. Neither of them say it. 

"It's okay, Rich," Beverly says. "You will, eventually." Her voice wavers at the end. I wonder if she believes her own words. 

I smile at her and hope it means something. 

My eyes start to feel heavy and I reach out for Eddie's hand again. He lets me with the softest smile, twining our fingers together. 

"Will you stay?" I ask, admiring the honey gold of his eyes. 

He nods. "Of course."

I let my eyes falls shut and my breathing evens out within minutes. I remember the soft smile Eddie gave me when I woke up and dream of him smiling at me that way in a different setting. Somewhere more like _home_. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He rubs his neck and I think he's blushing a little, perhaps at being caught asleep at my bedside, but it's dark so it's hard to tell. It's cute. He's cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's short because the next one is a lot longer. Think of it as a cute little interlude between the action of the story, even though this is still very relevant and is mentioned a couple of times throughout the story.

I wake up to the quiet sound of breathing. 

It's dark in the hospital room and it doesn't take long for me to realize my glasses have been removed. 

My head is turned on its side, resting against a flat pillow, so the first thing I see is Eddie, asleep with his head at an awkward angle, half resting on the bed and half on his own arm. 

His face looks so relaxed in sleep but he doesn't look comfortable. I scooch closer to him, quietly as I can with the crinkly sheets, and run my hand through his hair a few times. He sighs, a content sound that brings a smile to my face. 

"Eddie," I whisper. "Eds, wake up." 

The nickname falls from my mouth so easily, so naturally, that I think I must have used it before, hundreds of times. I think I've been saying it forever. 

Eddie shifts and mumbles softly. Everything about him is soft. It makes my heart sing. 

"Baby," I say, even quieter. "Wake up, you're gonna have a sore neck."

He exhales loudly, then his eyes blink open. When he sees me staring, they go wide and he smiles. 

"Richie," he whispers. "Hi."

I grin. "Hi. You don't look very comfortable."

He snorts a quiet laugh. The room's darkness has hushed our voices but it feels comfortable, almost familiar. "Yeah, I'm not." He rubs his neck and I think he's blushing a little, perhaps at being caught asleep at my bedside, but it's dark so it's hard to tell. It's cute. _He's_ cute. 

I move over in the bed, shuffling away and peeling the top sheet back before patting the spot next to me. "Come here," I say softly, hoping this is the right decision. 

He bites his lip, then stands up, stretching. He slips into the bed beside me, pulling the sheet back over us. "Are you okay?" He whispers into the dark, laying on his back. We aren't touching. His hand is so close to mine - I don't take it yet. 

"Yeah. I think so. It's just... a lot." He seems to get it. 

"I was so worried," he says, a quiet admission. "I was holding you and then you just fell, and you wouldn't wake up. It was terrifying." He pauses for a second and I take his hand in mine, hoping it'll comfort him the way it's been comforting me. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

I sigh. I wish I could remember. Even if I don't remember anything else, I just want to remember him. 

"You'll always have me, Eddie." I mean it with every part of my soul. "I don't remember much of anything but as long as I can remember you, I'll be happy."

These words break whatever barrier was between us. Eddie chokes on a sob and I roll onto my side, pulling him gently into my arms. I hold him close against me, the heat of his body pressing flush against mine. The sense of rightness fills me. 

"Richie, I-" he says, and then he's crying into my chest. I stroke his back, fingers curling through his hair, and hope it helps. Eventually he runs out of tears. He doesn't move away. 

Instead, I think he presses closer, nuzzling his face into the curve of my neck, his own arms coming to wrap around my body. I exhale and it ruffles his hair.

My eyes feel heavy again so I let my body relax. "Good night, Eds," I mumble, and then I sleep.


End file.
